Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
