Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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