i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
