She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
