She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
