im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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