I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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