Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
