She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
