No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
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He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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