you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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