all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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