I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
