Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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