we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You need a sexual gate keeper
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
