You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Randomize
