saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Randomize
