I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
