Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
