Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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