Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
