Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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