He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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