Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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