You made me cry and you don't even care
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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