if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
