sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
