She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
