You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
