When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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