You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
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we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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