Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You're a waste of cheezeits
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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