He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I am midnight drunk by noon
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
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