"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
