I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
