my soul wont recognize me after tonight
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You took a bar mat shot.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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