Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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