Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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