Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
