Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
