so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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