i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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