Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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