We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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