Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
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ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
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I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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