Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
