Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
