that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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