well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
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I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
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My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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