Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
