planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
50% drunk capacity currently
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
