I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
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