you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
