With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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