A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
