Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
