I love black thongs
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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