my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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