toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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