Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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