you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
