Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
