What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
