at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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