Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
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Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
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The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
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