I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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