Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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