things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
