My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
