Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
