2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
